


be patient, my heart

by Kt_fairy



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Domestic, Established Relationship, Future Fic, Hockey culture, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, communications by means of DIY
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2017-12-01
Packaged: 2019-02-08 19:30:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12871449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kt_fairy/pseuds/Kt_fairy
Summary: As Derek let himself through the door and flicked on the lights he could not help feeling the emptiness of it, the only sound the click of the heating and the insidious tick-tick-tick of the clock on the mantelpiece.This was why so many Hockey players had pets, at least some living thing would always be there when you got home.





	be patient, my heart

 

 

 The double doors swung closed sharply behind Derek who managed to hop out of the way before they smacked him the ass yet again. Adjusting the piles of folders in his arms,he strode down the corridor that always made his nose tickle with unseen dust, nodding to a group of students going in the other direction.

 He turned the corner and backed through another set of doors, pausing to push his glasses up his nose when he spotted someone sat on the floor outside his office.

 There had been part of him which had hoped that it was Dex, a stupid thing to do because the Sophomore sat on the floor was neither ginger nor in possession of long sprawling legs. Also, because at this moment Dex was probably kicking a soccer ball around in a back corridor in a St.Louis arena.

“Oh, hey there Ethan. Did we have an appointment?”

 The blonde head snapped up and Ethan - a coherent and insightful student who impressed Derek with the emotional maturity of his essay’s - jumped up, holding his hands out to all the stuff in Derek’s arms. “No, I thought I’d try and catch you quickly. Lemme help with that.”

 “Thank you so much”, Derek sighed as he unloaded his cargo, patting himself down for his keys. “Wish I’d ran into you outside the library...where the...ah, here they are”, he smiled at Ethan as he held up the keys triumphantly. Hr had to jiggle the stiff lock before knocking the door open with his hip and flicking on the light which cast the room in a muddy yellow glow.

“Least you can skip arm day though, eh?” Ethan said as he followed Derek inside. He set his stuff down carefully on the corner of Derek’s desk and popped back out to grab his bag as Derek closed the blinds against the on-coming gloom of a winters evening, groaning as he flopped down into his desk chair. The day had not been especially long, and he'd definitely had worse ones, but he hadn't been sleeping great all week. There would be no relief from it until Dex staggered in tomorrow morning smelling of hotel sheets and recycled air.

 He took his glasses off to rub at his eyes, letting himself yawn, stretching as he slipped his glasses back on. “So Ethan, what can I do for you?”, he asked, smiling when he finally got a good look at how smartly dressed he was,. “Must be important if I’m keeping you from your date.” 

 Ethan glanced down at himself and flushed guiltily, hurrying to perch on the edge of a chair on the other side of Derek’s desk. “Uuuh, yeah. Not really. It’s about the non-English language assignment…”

“That’s in next month. You’re being very organised.”

“Yeah. I uh...you talked about Tsvetaeva before? And I’ve read her stuff in English, and I wanted to do her for my assignment. Is there a book you can recommend that…”

“Has the Russian alongside the English?”

“Please.”

 Derek spun his chair to face the bookshelf, scanning the titles until he spotted what he needed. “I can lend it to you right now, under pain of a dropped mark if you don’t give it back”, Derek shot a smile over his shoulder to make it clear he was (partially) joking as he reached for it.

“I’ll have it back within two weeks. Promise.”

“Hold you to that. You’re going to have a heavy time of it; revolutions, exile, hell scapes. If you find it too much I’d switch to something a bit lighter. I think you can do it, I’m not discouraging you, but don’t get bogged down in it okay? It’s perfectly fine to give up and come at it from another angle or do something totally new if it just won’t work. Her work’s not going anywhere.”

“Okay. Thanks Derek.”

“You’re welcome Ethan. Now”, he sighed as he sat back down, flicking open his desk planner to see what he needed to mark over the weekend, “you better get going, whoever you're so dressed up for is going to lose enough of your time to Tsvetaeva as it is.”

“Well, ya see. About that…” Ethan started and Derek had a horrible, _horrible_ feeling about what was going to come out of his mouth. “I was hoping you'd let me get you some pizza. Or whatever you wanna eat?”

“Oh…”, Derek breathed, staring at him in disbelief. “As a thank you for the book?”, he tried, hoping Ethan would take the get out and save them both from the oncoming awkwardness.

“No. For... for. Just to get food.”

“Yes. But why?”

“What's better than good food and good conversation, eh?” he said in a rush of bravado, shooting Derek a smooth smile as he lounged in his chair, all confidence and surety in his attractiveness in a way Derek recognised from being twenty not all that long ago. “We could talk in depth about twentieth century Russian poets and... other things.”

 He sat stunned for a moment, wondering if this was a joke - and one in very poor taste at that - but Ethan's face was deadly serious. “I’m flattered, but very married”, Derek said sternly, making a point of moving his left hand so the wedding band clanked against the desk.

“You only just moved up here and he’s away so much on roadies. I’m just offering some company, eh. I can show you around more than just the university and your home and the arena. Help you get to know the city. I wouldn’t have said anything but I thought - you know - it must be lonely…”

“No. Ethan - don’t…” Derek took a calming breath, really fucking pissed off that this kid was saying all this to him so brazenly; as if a few nights a week on his own was enough for someone to turn his head. As if it ever would! But he was an adult, and Ethan was barely one, brought up on too many middle-aged male fantasies put down into books, too many hackneyed plots in the media, and not mature enough to realise this was more inappropriate than romantic.

“Just a pizza and a talk about books. That’s all.”

“Take the book, go do whatever you do on a Friday night, and I won't say anything about this to the head of faculty.”

“Oh...oh. Okay. I'm…I'm sorry Dr.Nurse.”

“I'll see you at the seminar on Wednesday”, Derek said, turning to his desktop to make it clear the conversation was over.

 Ethan hesitated then shot to his feet, grabbing his bag and hurrying for the door. “This won't, like, effect my grades will it?”

 Derek shot him a dark look over the top of his glasses, trying not to be insulted. “No it will not. Goodnight Mr. Maddox.”

“I am sorry if I insulted you. You're hot and I...am an idiot. I'm sorry.”

“Put it down as a life experience. Enjoy your evening.”

 Ethan was silent as he left the room, closing the door quietly behind himself.

 Derek groaned, pulling his glasses off and dropping them on the desk with a clatter. “What the shit was that?”, he asked the ceiling, digging his fingers into his hair.

 

                                                                                          X_X_X

 

  The move up to Ottawa had been a mess.

 They had known for the past two years a trade was on the cards. Dex's style wasn't quite fitting with the way the Av's Hockey was going, but neither of them had really ever thought it would be to a team who was bolstering itself for a Cup run. Derek had had the end of a semester to finish teaching and exams to get his students through down in Denver, and they’d had no idea if the Senators would even want Dex into next season. As far as they had known by October they could have been anywhere from LA to all the way back in Boston.

 It had been stressful and exhausting. Derek worrying himself into a few grey hairs about it all, but Dex somehow thrived under pressure and had played like a dream. He was impressive even when the Senators got knocked out in the second round, and had ended up with a two year contract.

 The property they rented on the outskirts of the city was just as nice as their home in Denver had been. Not too big so all their shit filled it up enough to make it feel cozy. Yet as Derek let himself through the door and turned on the lights he could not help feeling the still emptiness of it, the only sound the click of the heating and the insidious tick-tick-tick of the clock on the mantelpiece.

 This was why so many Hockey players had pets, at least some living thing would always be there when you got home.

 He got himself dinner, settling down in front of the TV just as the Senator’s Other Half’s group chat pinged into life alongside the old, still ridiculously active Samwell one as the Game started.

 This is how he had spent a lot of his evenings over the past eight years, sat with his doctorate thesis or marking while Dex was on the TV storming up and down the ice. Derek found himself with his chin propped on his hand, a silly grin on his face as he watched a gleeful Dex swap a few choice words with a St.Louis Forward while the ref’s tried to keep them apart. God, he was such an asshole on the ice but, much to his and Chris’ delight, the kind of asshole the internet had a soft spot for.

 The kind of asshole Derek married.

 A commercial break came on. The sudden volume change startled him and he stared down at the pile of marking knowing he was not going to get any more done tonight, didn’t know why he’d even tried to start it when his brain still whirring around what happened earlier. He glanced over at the other end of the couch where Dex would sit on his nights off if Derek was getting work done, his feet wiggled under Derek's thigh while he read or dozed softly.

 He shoved his marking away, chucking his pen down so he could start twisting the band around his finger. They had been married for two years, engaged for two more before that and it wasn't like no-one had ever hit on him while he had a ring on his finger (or Dex for that matter, but he was earning NHL dollar and was hot so Derek would be insulted if no-one had). It was always flattering, of course it was, but he'd never been this bothered about it before.

 Maybe it was the ease with which he could have taken advantage if he lacked any shred of moral decency. Maybe it was because he would never have even thought about flirting with  _any_ of his professors at Samwell, or maybe it was because Ethan had hit a little too close to home. He had never needed to be surrounded by people no matter how much he wanted them to like him. Derek was perfectly happy with his own company, and yet the past few days had been a struggle. Which was stupid as he had lived alone in Denver for months earlier on in the year, not seeing Dex for weeks at a time, but he had not felt the weight of it like he did now.

 He’d had a life built up over the six years they’d lived in Colorado. He had friends outside of work and the other players families, wasn’t really that far away from Chris and Cait and their heart-meltingly sweet twins out in San Jose, and if he wanted some peace he could go up to Boulder and wander around the foothills of the Rockey’s like some literary cliche. He’d even gotten to know the long term employees at their local grocery store, had tutored some of their kids. All of that was gone now. He was going to have to build up a whole life again only to have to start over from scratch in two years time.

 It was why he had never given up teaching in favour of writing. It wasn't like they needed the money, and it would make Derek’s life a lot easier if he didn’t have to worry about funding and job availability's. But without it what would he do all day? Who would he _be_?

 He missed Denver, his first proper _home,_ and after six days of dull routine he was getting maudlin about it. At least getting propositioned by a student had allowed him that bit of self realisation.

 Tipping his head back against the cushions Derek let himself sink into the couch, the sounds of the game washing over him as he pressed the heel of his hand to his groin.

 Jacking off wasn't the solution to the problem, but it never hurt. Especially when you were feeling shitty and your husband was all sweaty and flushed on a 60” HD TV screen.

 He slipped his hand down the front of his sweatpants, imagining Dex's weight pressing against his side, his firm thigh slipping between his, the rasp of teeth against his jaw. Biting his lip Derek shoved his pants off, slipping further down on the couch and propped a foot up on the coffee table so he could reach down to gently pull on his balls, tightening his hand around his dick as he pressed his thumb under the head.

 He usually liked it wet, gasping as he remembered the million times Dex had spat into his hand or poured lube over his fingers or been so slick and hot when Derek eased into him. His hips bucked at that, taking his hand off his dick to lick his palm, ready to chase that rabbit all the way to orgasm when he stopped.

 He glanced back up at the TV, sitting with his bare ass on the couch and his balls cupped in his hands as he watched a replay of the Forwards getting into some bullshit, the house dark and empty around him.

 Scooping up his pants Derek stood, flicking off the TV and made his way upstairs. He pulled his shirt off, almost tripping on the stairs as he went, grabbing the banister and laughing at the thought of falling and breaking his dick and having to explain _that_ to Dex. He took his glasses off when he got into their bedroom, chucking his watch next to it and went over to the closet to get down the box from the top shelf (it was an inconvenient place to keep sex toys but with how nosy all their friends little one's were getting it was certainly the safest).

 He fished out a dildo, dropping the box on the chest of draws and cast his sex playlist to the sound system as he went over to the bed. Swiping the lube from the bedside table he settled down against the pillows, tucking one under his hips and spreading his legs. Practically folding in half to prep himself was never comfortable. It was definitely something that was better with a partner. The angle of his fingers was never right, his shoulder would cramp, and his face always got really hot and red, but the burn of being breached at just the right pressure always felt good, the shallow press of his fingers a delightful tease.

 When he'd stretched himself just enough for comfort's sake he pulled his fingers out. Derek shook the tension out of his arm as he reached for the dildo, hiking his legs up so he could slowly push it into himself.  

“Oh shit," he breathed out, tugging on his flagging dick as he arched into the slick push. There was a reason why this was his third favourite thing to have in his ass; the stretch was just on the good side of painful, deep enough to fill him up until his breath caught, canting his hips as he rocked it into him until it hit the right spot.

“Ah...ah fuck”, he ground out, rocking between his fist working over his dick and the dildo shifting against his prostate. His brain began cycling randomly between the thought of a sold chest against his back and strong fingers digging into his hips as he spread his legs wide, biting his arm against the overwhelming feeling of being driven into again and again and again. Or his legs wrapped tightly around a narrow waist, sharp teeth nipping at his lips as sure hands ran gently all over him, the slow roll of powerful hips making him tremble and whine, melting into the bed as he was gently made love too.

 A satisfying pressure began to build up in his groin, toes curling into the sheets. His orgasm was just there, just at the tips of his fingers, and he pressed one of his knee’s to his chest to try and push the dildo in deeper, harder, his desperate breaths echoing around the room. He carefully rolled onto his front and got his knees under himself, pressing his heated face into the cool pillow that still had some of Dex’s clean scent clinging to it.

 With a shudder and a groan rumbling in his chest Derek came, clamping the dildo down hard into his ass as he clenched around it, hip’s jerking into his fist as he came all over the sheets and his chest, twitching through the aftershocks. He stayed panting for a moment, concentrating on the thump of his heart in his chest that seemed to echo up to his ears. Eventually he pulled the dildo out of himself to dump it on the bedside table so he could let his legs slip on the sheets, collapsing into his own mess.

 He lay there, listening to his own panting and the soft beat of the music quietly playing, still feeling melancholy but now empty and sticky as well. The cooling sweat was chilling his skin without another warm body next to him, no rough soothing hands, no soft chirps or sweet kisses.

 Derek turned his head to the side to declare to the empty room. “Fucking Bullshit.”

 

                                                                                           X_X_X

 

 The clock read two am when Derek jerked awake. Untangling the fresh sheets from his legs, he rolled over to find the other side of the bed still empty, peering through the heavy gloom in the room but there was no-one there. He was alone in the dark and he could feel it pressing against his chest just like when he was a kid, all alone in a wild sea of humanity which buffered and bruised as they turned towards others and away from him.

 He was being pathetic. He couldn’t fall apart like this just because he’d had to spend six nights alone. He’d been through worse than this.

 And yet, he told himself as he curled up tight with a pillow clamped to his chest, was it not better to be gentle with yourself? To recognise your emotions, your hurts and joys no matter how painful they might be. Stamping them down and shoving them away because feeling them made no sense would only lead to worse things in the future.

 He pressed his face into the pillow, breathing deep and evenly. He was not waiting for Dex to get in but wasn't trying to force himself asleep either, letting the dark be a comforting blanket instead of a bleak reminder that this house was not his home.

  

  
  
 Light was trying to peer in through the curtains when he next opened his eyes, cool air hitting his back where his t-shirt had ridden up as a warm body slipped under the blankets. Derek tried to turn, wanting to shove his face into Dex’s neck and demand a hug until one of them needed to pee but a strong arm curled around his waist to hold him close. A cold nose pressed into his hair as a voice tinged with tired Maine vowels rasped, “Hey babe.”

 Derek eyes slipped closed, tangling his fingers with Dex’s hand resting on his chest as he pressed back against him. “Missed you.”

“Missed you too. I got back at two so I crashed in the spare room.”

“What?” Derek breathed, turning his head toward’s Dex even though he couldn’t see him “Baby. I wanted to see you!”

“I know. But you sounded so tired whenever I called an’ I didn’t wanna wake you. Sorry.”

 Derek raised their joined hands so he could press his smile to Dex’s knuckles, turning it into a kiss when Dex’s ankle hooked over his own. “You’re so considerate baby, thank you.” 

“Mph. G’back to sleep”, Dex grunted in reply, squeezing his hand, and from the sound of his breathing he dropped straight off to sleep, relaxing against Derek’s back.

 He lay quietly, brushing the inside of his finger over the smoothness of Dex’s wedding ring, his loneliness had not yet dissipated but was settling down into contentment. Dex being here did not make everything magically better, but it did help in more ways than being spooned by a pro-athlete. Which at this moment, as Derek shifted so his butt was right up against Dex’s groin, was what mattered to him the most.

 Just because he had a Doctorate didn’t mean he couldn’t let himself be shallow when he was feeling down.

 He dozed as Dex slept, feeling a smug sort of pride at his plan succeeding when he felt Dex hardening against him, tangling their legs together to keep him as close as possible.

 “As you’re not humming Jaws at me I assume this is intentional?” Dex murmured as he levered himself up to rest on his elbow so he could look down at Derek who twisted to peer up at him. He untangled their hands so he could brush his thumb over the faint pink of a scar on Dex’s cheek from where he’d got on the wrong side of a skate while at the bottom of a pile up in front of the goal a couple of years ago.

“That sounds exactly like something I’d do.”

 Dex smiled, slipping his hand up under Derek’s t-shirt as he settled in closer to him, rocking his hips lazily against his ass. “I did have the latest addition to your bedside set-up as a clue that you’re feeling frisky.”

 Derek frowned, peering over to find he dildo he’d forgotten to clear away last night sat between the lamp and his pile of books. “Ah fuck”, he groaned, pressing his face into the pillow as Dex laughed.

“You really missed me, huh?”

“I did. Like an ache. And shoving six inches of silicone up my ass didn’t really help.”

 Dex’s fingers started gently stroking his stomach, as soothing as it was meant to get Derek going. Dex leant down to press his nose against Derek’s cheek until he lifted his head to kiss him, digging his fingers into Dex’s hair to hold him so he couldn’t pull away until Derek was done kissing him. He shoved awkwardly at his pyjama pants, getting them down over his butt before reaching out to grab the lube, fumbling it into Dex's hands. “But it does help you get in me quicker now so it all worked out in the end.”

 Dex snorted as he squirted some lube out onto his fingers, frowning when Derek huffed at him. "What?”

“I changed the sheets last night and now you’re going to wipe your lubey hand all over them.”

“Besides the fact I’m gonna bareback you and it’s gonna get messy anyway, how else am I gonna get it on my dick and in you?”

“Just squirt it on your dick.”

“I am not just shoving it in you”, he warned, making a point of warming the lube up between his fingers, dropping a quick biting kiss to the tattoo on Derek’s arm. “Let me take care of you”, he murmured as he bent to nip at base of Derek’s neck, lazily smiling against his skin as he watched Derek work over his own dick. “Let me make you feel good”, Dex breathed as he pulled on the lobe of Derek’s ear with his teeth, pressing two fingers into him with an ease that made Derek moan, rocking back against them as he heard Dex cursing under his breath.

 Derek reached back to shove a hand into Dex's boxers, pulling his dick out and jacking him off awkwardly. “I'll beg if you want. I don't care I just want you, I want to _feel_ you. God, you always feel so good.”

 Dex swore, pulling his fingers from Derek and rolling away, Derek wiggling out if his pants as he turned to find Dex kicking his boxers off his feet.

 He managed to get his hands on the power across Dex’s chest for a moment - it was that point in the season where Dex was in prime shape and it was even more difficult for Derek to keep his hands to himself - before he was being tipped onto his back, Dex looming over him as he settled between his legs.

“You're such a brat.”

 Derek hiked his legs up to wrap around Dex’s waist, smug smile on his face as he skimmed his fingers over the swells of muscle of Dex's arms. “A brat you married.”

 "That I did", Dex dropped down, hand pressed into the pillow next to Derek's head as he kissed him, his dick pressing against Derek's hole without slipping inside.

“OH my god. How about you fulfil your marital duties and fuck me!”

 Dex grinned, resting his hand on the softness of Derek’s stomach as he pushed inside with one smooth roll of his hips. Derek was digging his blunt nails into the muscle of Dex’s back in revenge as he pulled out when he was still only halfway inside Derek. He tightened his legs around Dex’s hips to make him push all the way in, filling Derek up until he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t lay still, wanting and writing and moaning, the stretch faint but delicious. He tried to tug Dex down so he would lay on top of him, always loved the weight of his body pressing Derek down into the bed when he was like this, but he wouldn't budge an inch.

 He was loathe to admit it, but it drove Derek a bit wild that Dex was so much stronger than him now.

 Dex ran his rough hand down Derek’s thigh and slipped it under his ass to change the angle, pressing the other into the plush fabric of the headboard as he started to get into a rhythm, swallowing the noises Derek let slip out from between his lips. “Happy now?”

 Derek dragged one of the hands which had migrated down to squeeze Dex’s ass up his back. He relishee the shudder Dex couldn’t hide, slipping his fingers down the side of his neck so he could cup his freckled, flushed cheek in the palm of his hand. “Ecstatic. You’re so good, you feel so good. Shit, you’re so hot, you’re fucking...yeah, like that.”

“As you wish”, Dex whispered against Derek’s palm as he turned his face to kiss it. He snapped his hips so he hit that sweet spot just how Derek liked, smiling when Derek couldn’t help but laugh breathlessly.

 Morning sex was always intense for Derek. Something about the languidness of their bodies, the warmth, the contentment. He never lasted long, especially not when Dex was whispering how good he felt, how gorgeous he was as he fucked him just right, soothing the battering his emotions had taken the night before.

 He came all up his chest, unwilling to let Dex go when he gently pulled out but found his leg’s were too weak to stop him, instead batting Dex’s hand away when he tried to jerk himself off. He wanted to be the reason Dex moaned and gasped, the reason his head dropped down between his arms as he shuddered, the reason he came all over Derek’s trembling thigh.

 They kissed sloppily and slowly between panting breaths. Eventually Dex moved so he could flop face down into the pillows with his legs still mixed up with Derek’s, a large pale hand resting firmly on Derek’s stomach. He still hit the gym twice a week and restrained himself from sympathy eating the alarming amount of carbs Dex had to consume on game days, but he worked a sedentary job with long hours and even though he was in dam good shape his ab’s were but a memory. A pleasant one of Dex flaring bright red as he tried not to look when Derek used to take his shirt off on summer days in the Haus yard, of fingers and lips trailing over them, of appraising eyes.

 Dex still blushed when Derek took his shirt off on lazy summer afternoons but no longer tried not to look. He still reached out to touch, so Derek didn’t really mind.

“Good morning beautiful”, Dex whispered, voice hoarse, laying his cheek on his arm so he could smile at Derek, eyes slipping closed in contentment when Derek brushed his fingers through his bangs.

“You made it one”, he said with a little too much sincerity, pulling Dex’s hair so it sat straight up on the side of his head. “I love you, my Mr.Husband.”

“I love you too, Mr.Husband-point-two”, Dex murmured. Warm eyes blinking open as he pulled Derek’s hand from his hair to press a lingering kiss to his wrist, letting Derek rest it where he pleased as he settled down again with a sigh.

 Derek felt uprooted and overwhelmed at times, lonely at others, living in a building and a city that did not feel much like home, yet he was lucky and he knew it. He was married to the love of his life, doing a job he adored, was fit and healthy and wanted for nothing. And, he thought as he looked over Dex’s long, freckled body, he had a pert Hockey ass all to himself. He reaches out to land a ringing but gentle smack to it which startled Dex’s eyes open.

“Hey!” he protested, holding out a hand. “That’ll be four bucks american.”

“Seeing as I’m naked I don’t really have the cash on me.”

“You can have it on credit”, Dex said as he pressed a kiss to the dimple on Derek's cheek before rolling out of bed with a unique combination of agility and gracelessness. “I want breakfast. Pancakes?”

“Stop eating vicariously through me.”

“That a no?”

“...No.”

 

                                                                                          X_X_X

 

 Derek slid onto the stool at the kitchen island feeling a little sore and with a satisfying ache running up into his back. He was still warm from the shower, cozy and snug in one of Dex’s Senator’s sweaters which hung lose on him. 

 The man in question slid a plate of peanutbutter and banana pancakes over to him followed by a smaller one of turkey bacon, kissing his hair as he set down a mug of coffee.

“Thanks.”

“No probs. You good?”

“Yeah I’m good. I’ll feel you for the rest of the day but I don’t mind that”, Derek smiled, giving Dex’s soft dick a gentle squeeze through the front of his sweatpants, dipping his hand between his legs to grope the strong inside of his thighs.

“Handsy”, Dex tsk-ed him, batting Derek’s hand away as he went back to the stove.

“You shouldn’t be so hot”, Derek said as he tucked into the pancakes, unable to stop himself letting out a little sound of pleasure at how good they were. He was not a bad cook, far from it, but Dex had that passed down Bittle magic that made everything just that little bit more delicious. 

"Good?"

"I'd marry you again just 'cause of these", Derek said. His eyes flicked over Dex’s back which was sprinkled with faint bruises and red marks from Derek’s nails and he grinned as he took a bite of turkey bacon. Dex caught the look in Derek's face when he turned with a bowl of oatmeal and a plate of eggs in hand and rolled his eyes as he sat down on the other side of the island.

 “Shut up, you love it”, Derek grinned, pointing his fork at him.

“I won’t love getting Fined and having towels snapped at me. The guys are as bad as you were in the locker room.”

“ _I_ was _much_ more mature than a pro-athlete.”

 Dex smiled around a mouthful of oatmeal, nodding in resigned agreement. “How’s your week been?”

“Usual. Had a good seminar on Tuesday…”

“Gilgamesh?”

 “Yeah, Gilgamesh", Derek smiled, something warm fluttering in his stomach at being paid attention to even when he rambled on about his class schedule. "Everyone was feeling very feisty so I took a step back and let the conversation move organically. Some of them are _very_ , very astute. Really interesting to listen to. But then some are just assholes who purposefully miss the character growth for the sake of a stereotype of middle eastern men. It's exhausting.”

 "College is more than giving people the ability to read Neruda or Aphra Benn objectively, or code, or speak French. It's a chance to expand and grow who you are. You're a positive influence on people. Some of these kids may never have heard any different before, never bothered to go out and look. It's no excuse but you'll give them the opportunity to learn and change if they want.”

 “Yeah. It's what I always hope for, still exhausting though", he glanced over at Dex, taking a moment to appreciate the weak morning light catching the flecks of gold in his hair. "But apart from that; marking, meetings, watched your games, caught a bit of Chris’...had one of my Sophmore’s hit on me.”

 Dex choked on his coffee. “Excuse me?"

“He asked me out to dinner. Propositioned me basically…”

 Hazel eyes widened comically, Dex shaking his head in disbelief as he grabbing a dishcloth to wipe coffee off his chin. “Gotta admire the balls on the guy. Although trying it on the day I was coming back was a bit stupid.”

“Hitting on your married teacher is stupid!”

“Well yeah, obviously.”

 Derek hesitated with a piece of pancake almost at his lips. Dex was going to have to leave for the rink within the hour, it was a bad time to talk about this but they needed to do it. The two of them had somehow managed to work as a couple by being direct about everything, even when it lead to screaming arguments, and this was nothing different.

“He thought I ‘needed company’. That I’m lonely and...I got really, really melancholy while you were gone. This house felt big and empty and I was alone and I’ve been sleeping badly. All I’ve done is work, talk to you, watch you on TV and...”, he shoved the forkful in his mouth, chewing as Dex watched him evenly. “I think it’s ‘cause I didn’t move up here at the same time as you, I missed the usual ‘new person’ welcome from everyone. The other partners don’t ignore me, nothing like that, but I guess...In Denver there were a few of us all dating the new guys, living in the same area, a couple were even taking classes at the College. I don’t have that here. And I guess it made missing you worse.”

“Is it...are you homesick or is it worse than that?”

 Derek took a deep breath. “This is our home.”

“It's where we live, but it's not really our home is it?”

 Dex had the team. Dex always had the team no matter where they went and Derek knew how at home having that could make you feel. He missed it if he was honest, and he hadn't thought to consider that Dex might feel a bit like this too.

“Yeah. I miss home.”

 Dex nodded, dropping his gaze as he pushed some egg around his plate. “I’m sorry. I hate that we had to leave Denver and that you got dragged from our home and everything we knew.”

“Will you did not _drag_ me, we moved for your _job_. It took some time to settle in Denver and it’ll take some time now. Just fucking sucks in the meantime. It’s not the same, not home, you know?”

 Dex pursed his lips and Derek took a fortifying gulp of coffee, preparing to remove his husbands heels from wherever he was about to dig them in. “I know we agreed when I first went into the NHL I’d retire at thirty-two - thirty-four max - and my contract now will take me close enough to that for this to be my last team. But…”

“You’re not gonna retire just ‘cause I’m homesick!”

“... _IF_ they wanna sell my contract, then I’ll retire. I can’t ask you to leave your job and everything for me again. It’s always been unfair on you and you’re too good about it for me to...”

“I’m not being good about it. I love you and I’m proud of you and I wanna support you. Fucking hell William, you’re not a weight around my neck I fucking married you didn’t I? You don’t need to _fix_ this, just support me!”, Derek hadn’t meant to raise his voice and the kitchen felt echoing in the silence that followed as Dex ate a mouthful of eggs petulantly. “It’s not like I’m the first Hockey spouse to have to move around North America. We're not anything new, stop feeling guilty about it.”

“The University _found_ funding to take you on when they knew you’d prob be coming up here with me. That’s how good you are. You should be a Professor at Brown or a Don at Oxford, have bestselling books, be on TV. I should be the one being asked inane questions about how great you are at stuff, not the other way around.”

“You could’ve just said you're having a midlife crisis and want to be my trophy husband." Derek joked, trying to lighten the unexpectedly souring mood and Dex flashed a smile as he looked away with a sigh.

“My life’s ambition.”

 Derek reached across the island to grip Dex’s hand. “You’re helping to make a difference in people’s lives and futures as much as I am, that’s worth some hassle on my part. I know you hate it when people say it but you _are_ a role model. Those Poindexter Jersey’s aren’t in high demand just ‘cause you’re a babe." Dex glared at him as he blushed but didn’t argue the point. He had already been out in the NCAA when the Bruin’s scouted him, Jack coming out about the same time with a couple of other guys following not long after. None of them exactly had the personality expected or really needed to push for an end to the homophobia and misogyny in Men’s Hockey, but they were trying to change things anyway and Derek was proud of all of them for that. “When I first met you, you were so at war with yourself you were a like walking fucking migraine and now you’re a man that kid’s can look up to. That’s _important_.”

“I know. I know. It’s just…”, Dex squeezed Derek’s hand, eyes distant as he stared at a point on the counter between them. “You were so happy there.”

“ _We_ are happy together. I’m here with _you_ so I am happy.”

“But I’m not all it takes to _be_ happy.”

“Billy…”

“I’m not being self pitying, it’s the truth. Ottawa is a nice town, there’s nothing wrong with it. But we’re here for two years, I don’t want you to feel like you’re stuck here with me.”

“Stuck?”

“If you hated it here I’d quit and we’d go wherever you wanted. The NHL is not worth your happiness.”

 Derek found his gaze trailing over to the only jersey Dex had ever had framed and hung on the wall. It had been a wedding present from the Avalanche equipment guys, a number twenty-eight Jersey with Nurse on the back.

 Every team Dex had played for had been so supportive of him (unlike the league who had only been helpful in that they were not hostile). They never stopped him from calling people out on their shit or supporting the other out guys, even managing to restrain themselves from holding him up to say ‘hey look at our gay guy, aren’t we great’. But that support also meant getting advice for their own interest which was hard to take - like when they had gotten engaged and, just like Jack had been told four years earlier, Dex was warned not to change the name on his jersey.

 There was only so much four guys could do against a ‘culture’ which had over a century to embed itself. It was slow going but things were changing. One step forward three steps back kinda thing. Derek knew the shit that got shouted at Dex, the threats made when he was crushed into the boards, saw the lingering effects first hand and he didn’t want to think about how much worse it might have become if Dex had taken his husbands name like he had wanted to.

 Derek winced as he remembered the reaction when people finally realised why Twenty-Eight’s old college D-man partner was always in the Family section or with the WAG’s. They had never hid their relationship, but neither had they shown it off and apparently that was deceit and a betrayal and a shameful dishonesty. Being gay was one thing, but being gay and having sex? Being in a relationship without warning everyone? It had almost been too much to take.

 That jersey was as much a reminder of how they were not really accepted as it was a sympathetic, supportive gift.

“I knew what I was getting into as soon as the Bruins guy came to speak to you. I don’t resent you for any of this. I love you.”

 Dex's squeezed his fingers hard. “I love you too.”

“Then don’t second guess me. We’re not nineteen anymore.”

“Christ. Has it really been that long?”

“Feels like double that, don’t tell me.”

“Doesn’t feel like any time at all”, Dex said earnestly, running his thumb over the side of Derek’s hand. "I hate seeing you unhappy and I can't _do_ anything about it."

“I’m not _unhappy-_ unhappy. I’d never have chosen to leave Denver, but then neither would you.”

“No. I wouldn’t”, Dex straightened. “Give it a year and we’ll be sad at the thought of leaving Ottawa.”

“Maybe we won’t. Maybe we're gonna start up the Canadian faction of the Nurse clan.” They’d spoken about kids years ago, the plan was having them when Dex retired so they wouldn't need nannies and au pairs like Derek had grown up with. If this was really going to be Dex’s last few years playing then they had better start talking about the whole thing seriously.

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“But we can’t talk about that now, you need to leave.”

“I’ll play hooky and call in sick if you want me to stay?”

“Nah, I’ll be _fine._ I’ve got marking to do anyway so fuck off to practice.”

“If that’s the case then off the fuck I shall go and gladly”, Dex raised Derek's hand and kissed the dip of his wrist just below his thumb. “I'd do anything for you.”

“I know." From the first time Dex had timidly reached out and Derek had closed the distance between them he had known and it scared him when he thought about it, but then again all power was scary in its possibilities. “I'll be okay. Just need to lean on you for a while.”

“S’what I'm here for.”

 Derek ran his thumb over Dex’s knuckles. “That and loading the dishwasher.”

“Urgh. Fine!” Dex grumbled, pushing Derek’s coffee out of the way so he could lean across the island and kiss him.

 

                                                                                          X_X_X

 

“Dex?”

“Yeah”

“What the _fuck_ are you _doing?”_

“The shelves weren’t right.”

 Derek looked over the landing which was currently strewn with the contents of the hall closet, the shelves from said closet, a pile of dirt where Dex had cleaned it out and - what Derek objected to - Dex’s toolbox sat on their freshly sanded and polished hardwood floor.

“The _shelves_ weren’t _right_?”

“Nope. Whoever fitted this was way too short.”

“William”, he demanded, aware that he was sounding and looking a lot like his mom when he set his hand on his hips. Dex leant out of the closet not quite looking sheepish but it was close. “Our guest linen is on the floor. And _so is your toolbox_.”

“I put rubber feet on it, it won’t…” Derek raised an eyebrow and Dex scowled. “Who sanded the fucking floor anyway?”

“I didn’t realise that was the point.”

“You’d prefer if I put it on a pillowcase?”

“Don’t you fucking even! You went off on me about using a pillow to stop the draught before you put a new back door on!”

“Bugs could touch it!”

“It was old!”

 Dex held Derek’s stare, wavering slightly when Derek kissed his teeth but staying strong. Three days without a game, three whole days, was all it took for Dex to get antsy and start tinkering with the house. He had made their last one perfect, everything just right, but it also increased the chances of him getting under Derek’s feet. Already today he had everything out from under the sink to change the waste disposal, put the showers out of use by regrouting the tiles in them, and changed every tap. That feeling of isolation was long gone, Derek needed him to go away and play a fucking Hockey game and use up some of his boundless mid-season energy.

 He could sense Dex wanted to say something, but in the face of Derek’s displeasure was wisely holding his tongue. Both of them were too stubborn to back down, that had never changed between them even if the frequency of their bouts of unwillingness to compromise had lessened a lot over the years.

“Okay, I’ll move it.”

 Derek blinked in surprise at the capitulation, watching as Dex extracted himself from the closet and carefully picked up the toolbox. He rubbed his foot over where it had been before setting it on top of the blanket box further down the landing.

“Thank you”, Derek collected himself enough to say, placing his hand on Dex’s waist as he kissed his cheek.

“Stupid thing to argue about”, Dex smiled as he slipped his arm around Derek to give him a quick squeeze. “Bet you can’t wait for me to go to the rink now?”

“You better not have done all this just to...”

“I’m flattered you think I’m that sneaky.”

 Derek narrowed his eyes at him. “Still not decided on if you’re triple bluffing me or not.”

“Gotta keep my air of mystery”, he grinned, copper eyes sparkling and Derek pulled him in for a proper kiss.

“You want some help?”

“Sure.”

 Derek pushed up the sleeves of his henley and squeezed into the closet next to Dex and his broad ass shoulders. “There’s a joke to be made about this”, he murmured as he lined up the shelf with raw-plugs Dex had always drilled into the wall.

“What is gay-er”, Dex grunted as he screwed the shelf into place, “than filling up the closet with sheets and towels from Bloomingdales?”

 Derek snorted. “Home improvement obviously.”

“You should know by now that DIY is gay culture.”

 Derek laughed as he bent to grab another shelf, knocking his glasses back up his nose as he held it where Dex pointed.

 They had a good system going, having most of the shelves back in when Dex gently bumped their shoulders together. “How’re you feeling?”

“Better. You know when your mood dips and you don't get enough sleep and it makes everything seem that much worse? I’m okay. I’ll be okay.”

“Call me if it gets bad again. Even if I’m on the plane home.”

“I will.”

 Dex nodded. “It’s selfish, and obviously not the only reason I worry about you, but your smile when you’re happy is... its really lovely.”

 Derek pressed their shoulders together as the drill started up again, physically unable to keep the soppy smile off his face. “That's mad gay.”

“Stop trying to make closet jokes happen.”

 

                                                                                          X_X_X

 

 The puck was on Dex’s stick one second and the next it was zipping past the goalie on their blocker side.

 Derek was on his feet in an instant, hugging and being hugged, laughing as he and Dex’s liney’s girlfriend, Angelique, almost chucked their drinks everywhere.

“He’s pointing to you!” Marika, the goalie’s wife, shoved him around to face the ice where Dex was pointing up at the friends and family section. Derek knew the exact moment Dex spotted him when his face broke into a half smile on the big screen

 “Hey Derek! Derek!”, Gemma, the captain's wife, called along the row, climbing over a couple of people to get to him. “That was grossly romantic. It’s not your anniversary or anything…”

“No, no. It just comes over him sometimes.”

“Everyone will do it now, he showed them up!”,Marika said from behind him.

“Look, you are blushing!” Angelique laughed, tugging lightly on his arm.

“I’ll point out your blush when Yves scores a goal for you.”

“I shall do more zan just blush. I shall weep at ze romance”, she said, exaggerating her French accent before turning to say something to Marika.

“Not that I was implying he can’t be romantic ayway”, Gemma continued, leaning in closer to be heard over the crowd. “I was just checking because I was meaning to say to you, after you said seafood was your guys thing, there’s a restaurant I’d recommend if you wanted to take him somewhere nice.”

“Oh. Yeah, thank’s. That’ll be great. Thanks!”

“No problem, what friends are for”, she smiled up at him easily. Derek took a second to process that yeah, they were friends, the four of them their own little squad, before smiling back. “Remind me after the game, we’ll all go for a drink. Up for that ladies?”

“Of course! You know my indoor herb garden? It died yet again”, Angelique said, sounding actually mournful.

“Oh no!”, Marika gasped, obviously invested in the trials of Angelique’s gardening. “Even with the heater?”

“Yes. I must mourn zem properly!”

 

                                                                                           X_X_X

 

 

 Hunkered down in his padded winter coat, hood up, wearing the mittens Dex’s mom had crocheted for him, he almost couldn’t feel the bite of a Canadian winter. The years in Colorado might have acclimatised him to a warmer climate but he was from New York, he could deal with ridiculous amounts of snow and shitty weather.

 It was one of Derek’s days with a lighter work load. He usually spent the spare time doing marking  or sat in one of his colleagues offices chatting over coffee and whatever Dex had baked on his off day. Bringing in treats in to make friends had felt a bit childish, Derek worrying it might come off as desperate, but it had greased the wheels perfectly. Even successful academics never turned down free food.

“They were nice”, Dex said as they walked back to Derek's office from lunch with a couple of Derek’s friends in the English and Classic’s departments.

 Winter Break had seemed like the perfect time to introduce them to the baker and husband they all made a valiant effort to be chill about. It always amused Derek to see people he knew freak out around Dex - he got excited whenever he saw him too but that was because he was married to him, not because he was really good at zooming around the ice on knife shoes. Well, that depended on if he had made a particularly sexy play or got in a fight, but that was a different kind of excitement. “I enjoyed not talking Hockey for a hour.”

“They were holding it in, some painfully so.”

“Eh, when we have them ‘round for dinner they can go through the Hockey cupboard and wear the cup ring. Get it out their systems. I might even come round with some stuff for, uh...Christos’ kids tomorrow when I drop in on the Hockey Teams.”

“Would you? From what I’ve seen of them they’re so sweet…”

"Hey Derek! Hey Dr.Nurse!"  A chorus of voices called and Derek turned towards the group of his students shuffling out of the student cafe in a cloud of steaming air.

“Afternoon guys, how’s your day going?”

“Yeah good, thanks. Study group over lunch.”

“We’re gonna swing by the park and catch the start of the pond hockey shinny they got going on over there”, a few eyes flicked none too subtly over to Dex. “You gonna come watch?”

 Derek had loved playing pond hockey at Samwell; the sound of skates on the ice, the crisp winter air against his cheeks, beaning the Tadpoles with snowballs. It would be fantastic if they went down to the park, padded up, and got stuck in with the university's Hockey teams, but an over-excited Forward trying to beat a pro, a rough patch of ice, or an accidental slashing could leave Dex out for weeks and get them both in trouble with the management. Not an ideal thing to do at the start of Dex’s first full season with the team. “I might pop by and see how it’s going, I’ve gotta swing by the office first. This is my husband by the way.”

 Dex extracted his face from his scarf to smile at them. “Hey. Nice to meet you.”

 Hands were immediately being shoved out to shake Dex’s as Derek ran through all their names - least he could do was introduce them properly as they had been so good about not prying. “...and the guy hiding at the back is Ethan.”

 It only occurred when he spoke that Ethan might be loitering out of the way because of what happened last semester. Derek flicked  his eyes to Dex who was managing to smile somewhat politely even if something hard and knowing was in his eyes. “Must be a Mape’s fan.”

 The group laughed as Ethan awkwardly took Dex’s hand, Derek not missing Dex shaking it a little firmer than he had the others.

“Well, I won’t keep you guys. Way too cold out here to linger.”

“This is fine. You should try Manitoba winters, eh?”

“I think I’ll give that a pass, thanks. Have a good rest of your day.”

 There was a chorus’ of goodbyes as they headed off in opposite directions down the sidewalk. Derek made sure they were out of earshot before knocking his shoulder into Dex’s. “Don’t come over all alpha male babe, it doesn’t suit.”

“It’s just my face!”

“Oh whatever. Your gnarly Hockey scar doesn’t make you not a cutie.”

“No, it makes me a badass”, Dex said with a grin, taking Derek’s hand again.

“Of course, dear.”

 Dex buried his face in his scarf but Derek could tell he was smiling, swinging their hands between them as they walked through the snow.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Yes I did reference Boner Shark, creative control has gone to my head!
> 
> So this is one of those fic's where it started out as one thing and becomes very different the more gets written. Is this about the NHL or about long term relationships or marriage or what makes a home? Or did I just shove it all in a bag and shake it up and pour this out (I did)? Who knows.


End file.
